This post is going to be more of a giving food for thought type of thing. I don’t know all the answers to this subject. I thought I did once, and God has worked on my heart to change my views somewhat.
I am interrupting my “story” of how I got so messed up and got out of, ” The Denim Jumper Lifestyle”,(which is just a term for the toxic faith system I adhered to) to ramble about submission.
Lewis on Commandments of men, showed this really strange blog post. Even in my most “fundy” of denim jumpers days, I would disagree with much of what was written on this blog. Which is a good thing, cause if I got a man who demanded submission I would be in more trouble than I was.
However, I will say that I did a lot of what that article proposed to do. I will also say, that I grew up in such a wonderful enviroment that I was a little spoiled. 😉 So, when I read a lot of these submission books it was an eye opener to me, that life did not revolve around me me me me!
When I was depressed, and doubting my salvation, I was in a Bible study. The lady and man who led this Bible study were GOD SEND to me!
As I progress in my story, you will see how. But until then, I just want to make a short observation.
One day, I went to this lady, crying and complaining that things in my marriage were tough. As we talked, my friend said, “Heather, I don’t know where you got your idea of submission, but it is all wrong”
Of course, I thought she was speaking blasphemy, and didn’t take her seriously at the time. However, she and her husband had a great marriage…. I could not deny that.
Fast forward a few months later. Marriage was still a bit rocky. Another lady that had a great marriage told me about the same thing my other friend told me. I must admit, it sounded so indulgent and sinful!
The second lady told me to ask God about this… if there indeed was something wrong with my perspective of what submission looked like according to the submission books.
About two days later, my husband and I were watching Pride and Prejudice (A&E’s version. For there is no other version. 😉 ) My husband loves P&P and so do I. And we were watching P&P for like the seventh time.
As we were watching, my husband pipes up and says, “I know why Mr. Darcy loves Elizabeth so much. She challenges his thinking, she is no doormat” (Yes he used the term doormat)
I was shocked needless to say, and wondered if I heard my husband just right? So I asked for clarification. He then said something akin to this. Don’t remember his exact quote. But he said if a man ever feels threatened by a woman’s mind and personality, and demands submission, he is a weakling and insecure.
My face was on the floor! But God had answered my prayer. Those ladies were right. I had embraced a totally wrong concept of submission, and I began to reevaluate many things concerning this topic. I still don’t have all the answers…and I am still trying to find the balance in all of this. But I am determined to bring all of my questions about anything before the Lord before I move on, and say that I know the exact “truth” of what submission should look exactly like.
As time went on, I realized that I had become unhealthily co-dependent on my husband. An emotional wreck of a leech. And I realized my husband did. not. like. that. He wanted a woman who had a strong mind, and who actually thought through things critically. A woman who had opinions and made her opinions known.
And in essence, I really wasn’t submitting to my husband. My husband is not like the men described in those submission books. He was resenting me, because I was not being “me”, but some girl who was trying to play a role that he did not like or believe in.
I will not deny, that some of those submission books did make great points and helped me somewhat. Because you see, I was part of a church system that taught the Pastor was almost the ultimate authority…even above the husband. So, reading those submission books did give some freedom in that aspect. My earthly authority wasn’t in my pastor.
But a lot of the practical advice in those submission books was unhealthy, and eventually caused me to become even more weak-minded than I already was, and easy to pick on. And here I thought I was becoming my man’s dream woman, by being this submissive servant to him the way these books taught me to be. And in reality, I was shrinking into a mindless robot, and my husband didn’t know what to “do” about it.
Thank the Lord, that Jesus intervened and taught me that I was embracing an unhealthy teaching, and I needed to start relying on Jesus to teach me about submission instead of “godly” men.
2 Corinthians 10:5
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;