How Elizabeth Bennet Taught Me About Submission

This post is going to be more of a giving food for thought type of thing. I don’t know all the answers to this subject. I thought I did once, and God has worked on my heart to change my views somewhat.

I am interrupting my “story” of how I got so messed up and got out of, ” The Denim Jumper Lifestyle”,(which is just a term for the toxic faith system I adhered to) to ramble about submission.

Lewis on Commandments of men, showed this really strange blog post.  Even in my most “fundy” of denim jumpers days, I would disagree with much of what was written on this blog. Which is a good thing, cause if I got a man who demanded submission I would be in more trouble than I was.

However, I will say that I did a lot of what that article proposed to do.  I will also say, that I grew up in such a wonderful enviroment that I was a little spoiled. 😉  So, when I read a lot of these submission books it was an eye opener to me, that life did not revolve around me me me me!

When I was depressed, and doubting my salvation, I was in a Bible study. The lady and man who led this Bible study were GOD SEND to me!

As I progress in my story, you will see how. But until then, I just want to make a short observation.

One day, I went to this lady, crying and complaining that things in my marriage were tough. As we talked, my friend said, “Heather, I don’t know where you got your idea of submission, but it is all wrong”

Of course, I thought she was speaking blasphemy, and didn’t take her seriously at the time. However, she and her husband had a great marriage…. I could not deny that.

Fast forward a few months later. Marriage was still a bit rocky. Another lady that had a great marriage told me about the same thing my other friend told me. I must admit, it sounded so indulgent and sinful!

The second lady told me to ask God about this… if there indeed was something wrong with my perspective of what submission looked like according to the submission books.

About two days later, my husband and I were watching Pride and Prejudice (A&E’s version. For there is no other version. 😉 )  My husband loves P&P and so do I. And we were watching P&P for like the seventh time.

As we were watching, my husband pipes up and says, “I know why Mr. Darcy loves Elizabeth so much. She challenges his thinking, she is no doormat” (Yes he used the term doormat)

I was shocked needless to say, and wondered if I heard my husband just right? So I asked for clarification. He then said something akin to this. Don’t remember his exact quote. But he said if a man ever feels threatened by a woman’s mind and personality, and demands submission, he is a weakling and insecure.

My face was on the floor! But God had answered my prayer. Those ladies were right. I had embraced a totally wrong concept of submission, and I began to reevaluate many things concerning this topic. I still don’t have all the answers…and I am still trying to find the balance in all of this. But I am determined to bring all of my questions about anything before the Lord before I move on, and say that I know the exact “truth” of what submission should look exactly like.

As time went on, I realized that I had become unhealthily co-dependent on my husband. An emotional wreck of a leech. And I realized my husband did. not. like. that.  He wanted a woman who had a strong mind, and who actually thought through things critically. A woman who had opinions and made her opinions known.

And in essence, I really wasn’t submitting to my husband. My husband is not like the men described in those submission books. He was resenting me, because I was not being “me”, but some girl who was trying to play a role that he did not like or believe in.

I will not deny, that some of those submission books did make great points and helped me somewhat. Because you see, I was part of a church system that taught the Pastor was almost the ultimate authority…even above the husband. So, reading those submission books did give some freedom in that aspect. My earthly authority wasn’t in my pastor.

But a lot of the practical advice in those submission books was unhealthy, and eventually caused me to become even more weak-minded than I already was, and easy to pick on. And here I thought I was becoming my man’s dream woman, by being this submissive servant to him the way these books taught me to be. And in reality, I was shrinking into a mindless robot, and my husband didn’t know what to “do” about it.

Thank the Lord, that Jesus intervened and taught me that I was embracing an unhealthy teaching, and I needed to start relying on Jesus to teach me about submission instead of “godly” men.

2 Corinthians 10:5
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

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13 Responses to How Elizabeth Bennet Taught Me About Submission

  1. Oh, what an amazing post! Have you read Laurie M’s similar one about submission?

    • Yes, I did Hillary! I agree a lot of what she says about it too. I need to read it again, as I just skimmed it between life. 😉 But I will take a closer look at it again. Thanks for your encouragment. 🙂

  2. Amy S. says:

    Really really good, Heather! I am chewing on the same same thing except it’s the area of the husband “leading” and what that REALLY is. But the two go hand in hand.

    I heard once of the analogy of the husband being the head, and the wife is the neck…;)

    The head needs the neck. He needs the wife to chime in and bring something to the table, so to speak. I posted a very raw peak into a very hard day on my secret blog.. lol!
    Kind of the hashing out of what my life is looking like with my hubby. Would love your thoughts. I do say “pissed off”, so I hope that doesn’t offend you. But it’s where we are at right now.

    Thankyou for sharing your heart. Amy

    http://amythefree.blogspot.com/

  3. Rachel says:

    Love this. Love it. 🙂 My husband would agree with your husband wholeheartedly. And would it be wrong to think that any guy you would want to be married to would also agree with them? 🙂

  4. Esther says:

    Great words Heather. I love what your hubby said.

  5. Lady Rose says:

    I still enjoy reading blogs like that one you mentioned.

    -Lady Rose

    • Lady Rose, I am not sure where you are in your journey with the Lord. So I don’t want to be harsh, and try to say this as gently as I can.

      But the “Full of Grace” blog has some nasty blogs linked on her side bar. Specifically “Marky Marks”.

      If you look at that blog in particular…it is quite disturbing and disgusting that they speak the way the do about women. Every women is a feminist in their eyes.

      Personally, I have seen more tasteful blogs that encourage women to be submissive than Full of Grace.

      She wrote an article called, “The Wife Whisperer”. Did you happen to see that one? I am curious what your thoughts were about that? This is an honest question. ♥

      • Lady Rose says:

        I have not looked at this particular blog very closely. I will review those posts that you mentioned to me and try to get back to you with a reply.

        I am sorry that I upset you. I didn’t mean to do that.

        -Lady Rose

      • Oh, and there is another post on Marky Mark’s blog…a newer one. It is called, “Some People make my Job Easy” or soemthing like that. Read the comments on that piece. It makes a girl feel like a piece of trash just because she is a woman.

  6. Oh, you didn’t upset me in the slightest! (((hugs)))

    I was just pointing out my findings. I am very leery of anything, and I try to make it a practice to check things out and see what is fueling a particular blog, idea, ministry, preacher, etc. I had to learn this the hard way.

    I have a very strong “legalism” detector. I asked the question to stimulate conversation. I like talking about things like this. 🙂 So you didn’t upset me in the slightest!

    Here is the link to “The Wife Whisperer”
    http://markymarksthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/06/wife-whisperer-by-laura-grace-robins.html

    Specifically read the comments because you will get an idea of what the men think of women. They use vulgar language, and it is disgusting.

  7. Jenny says:

    “If she is not a Christian, but you would like her to be, there is a good chance that her submissive nature will gravitate toward Christianity with just some guidance on your part.”

    Did I read that correctly? How’s that a genuine conversion?

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