I am wholly responsible for the mess ups in my life. I take full accountability for the way things went. It went kind of bad for a long time.
But that doesn’t mean that what happened to me, as the result of my choices was OK. In essence I was brainwashed, Yes I allowed the brainwashing to happen. But happened it did. And it happened to me at a young a vulnerable age. An age that was tender. I was trusting, hopeful, full of energy, vitality, and innocent. I wanted to do what was right. I didn’t want to take the “world’s path”. So I submitted willingly. But I bought a lie.
Kind of like Eve did with Satan. She was tender (heck she was just made!, LOL!), trusting, hopeful, full of vitality and innocent. Satan lied to her. God told her whole plain simple truth, but Satan, made his lie, sound pretty true.
She would know of Good and Evil. She would not die. At least not the moment she bit into the fruit. And it did look good, and for a while it tasted good. Good enough to share! All God said, was that in the day she ate it she would surely die. She didn’t believe God, but she looked at a beautiful creature who told her seemingly good things, and she bought it. She had been deceived.
That was me. And once I got my brain in correct working order again, I am *VERY* cautious with it. 😉 My natural-born weakness is to jump head first into something sensational. Something that sounds good, awesome, or the “next best thing”.
When I was going through my “issues” of “religion” there weren’t any blogs in blog land that dealt with my brand of Christianity. I found blogs and websites dedicated to helping Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, Seventh Day Adventists, and other cultish religions. But never my brand of Christianity.
I thought that I was going crazy. Maybe I had the problem with God. Maybe I was rebelling against authority, and God and everything else. It was a very icky place to be. Feeling like you are loosing your mind, going to your “trusted Biblical Counselors” only to for them to say you are being selfish and get out and serve God more.
I was never a Calvinist. But while I was going through my “spiritual wilderness” I ran across some on online forums. I dabbled with it and studied it, and prayed about it open mindedly. It left me more disillusioned with God and Christianity. Maybe I wasn’t elect? If I am not elected than what’s the point of even seeking God to begin with? What’s the point of reading my Bible if I am doomed to Hell, and I have no say so in the matter?
It isn’t my intentions to debate this issue. I have already done so several times, and I don’t have time for it. But the reason for this post is to state that I am not a Calvinist…..because….
When blogs finally started to be published of people who had the same issues with fundamentalism as I had, I began to notice an alarming amount of disillusioned fundamentalist have now moved over to Calvin’s Side. In my opinion it is the clock pendulum of moving from one extreme to the next.
I refuse to jump in head first. I did that one too many times, and I got burned for it. This time, this girl is going to read the Bible for herself, and ask the Lord to teach her what it means. So even though I have now ditched the denim jumper and am wearing blue jeans, and leaving legalism, I have not become reformed as so many of my fundamentalist friends have done and are doing.
And another reason I have been very reluctant to embrace Calvin’s doctrine, is that many of the legalists in the homeschooling movement are indeed reformed.
Please don’t mistake me for lumping every Calvinist together and generalizing them. Because, I do know some non legalistic reformed people, that are serious about their faith in Jesus, but are loving, non judgmental and truly graceful people.
However, I do believe, that when you bring reformed teachings and doctrine’s to its logical conclusion, it is still a works based religion.
I am also not an Arminian. Meaning, I don’t believe it is *all* up to me to be saved. The only thing I have to do is believe the gospel. Jesus did it all, what do I have to do with it?
I also don’t believe one can lose their salvation. But that doesn’t make me a Calvinist. And just because I believe I have free choice to believe God, doesn’t make me an Arminian either. 🙂
So that is the reason for the tagline of Not a Calvinist. 🙂